What’s one dumb thing you used to believe in?
This was Danielle LaPorte’s latest burning question and it’s one that struck a chord with me. Not least because there are plenty of dumb things I used to believe that kept me from fully enjoying this fabulous life I’ve got to live (silly beliefs about who gets to wear bathing suits or share their opinions or sing out loud).
Beliefs can sometimes be our biggest barriers.
But one of the biggest dumb things I used to believe is that other people’s happiness is my responsibility. Now that might not seem like a dumb belief. After all, we have plenty of societal rules that tell us caring for other people is part and parcel of being a good human. And I do agree that connection with and doing for others is major (it’s why I’m a life coach). But here’s where service goes awry:
Ultimately, what people do, say, think, believe or feel is about them – not you. You might think they’re reacting to you or what you’ve done or said, but really they’re reacting to that via their own thought processes and the filter of their day, week, or whole life. You’re part of the show? Yes indeed. The end results (good or bad) were your doing? Not even close.
In becoming aware of the reality of what ‘making others happy’ means, I realised I was doing BOTH of us a disservice. I was neglecting my own happiness by deferring to others (and eventually resenting it), and indirectly teaching others that they can only be happy if other people are going out of their way to make life easy and enjoyable for them. It’s a losing game.
Here are the truths I believe now:
- You are the only person whose happiness you have any control over. Why not put your effort when it can actually have an impact?
- You can have an impact in other people’s lives if what you’re doing is in service to your own happiness and growth. The moment it becomes an obligation, you’re no longer sharing positive energy anyway and you’re draining yourself.
- When you feel responsible for another person’s happiness, you by default believe that the person in question isn’t capable of happiness on their own. Empower others by letting them know they don’t need you to do it for them.
- Making other people happy is about you. Feeling that you HAVE to make someone happy is a giant reflection of your self-worth. You will never be granted happiness from outside. Happiness is what you define and create from the inside. So why are you trying to ‘earn’ it?
Love yourself enough to know that the people that really matter will stick around even when you’re doing for yourself without regard for their happiness. In the end, they’ll be in awe of and bask in the energy that is HAPPY YOU and be the happier for it.
